Firstly, I feel like wives are searching this question the most. It’s important for us as men, to talk about it as it’s probably a shot across the bow for fathers out there to maybe pick up their game for their spouses.
It also seems, we as fathers are doing a great job of showing our daughters that we love them for the people that are searching this question.
Generally I don’t think Dad’s love daughters more than they love their wives…
It’s just that we as husbands take our wives for granted.
We will break this down in different topics and explain our thoughts.
Reason 1: Gift Giving – Daughters vs. Wives
Take buying a small gift for our children when we have gone travelling.
I wonder, if as dads we’re preconditioned to and almost trained to be thinking of our of our daughters constantly.
Buying a small gift is an easier win for a daughter, like seeing a little bear or, depending on the age, you could pick up some pocket lint and put a couple like googly eyes on them and they’ll be excited!
Expectations are lower potentially, which allows us to be more successful with our gifts.
This then causes us to be more likely to repeat the gift buying action!
I can’t pick up some lint and put googly eyes on it and give it to my wife and expect the same result…
All else being equal, I think there’s a pressure that we have to get a larger present for my wife, some nice flowers or something.
However, this is the challenge. Because we feel the expectation is higher, we may forego getting any gift at all.
So on the gift giving side, we should buy a small gift in the giftshop for our wife, to show that she was also on our mind.
At the end of the day, any gift can be great if there is real thought behind it.
Some of the best gifts I’ve given my wife, have been the lowest cost gifts. They’ve been very thoughtful, and she really appreciates that there was a big intrinsic value to them.
Reason 2: Courting – Are Mothers Old News?
The second reason why it could appear as though a Dad would love their daughter more is that the courtship is the “honeymoon phase” is over.
Being married for a period of time, having children, there is a possibility and likely event that men are thinking, “I’ve already essentially won her over” – so now I’m focusing on my daughter.
My wife understands that I love her, so I can just continue on my day, and focus on this other thing instead.
I think, as as men, it’s like task to conquer.
Imagine being in sales, and acquiring a new customer – you’re putting all your effort into to court this new customer.
You’re selling them, being the nicest person ever, returning their emails immediately.
Then after they’re your customer for a year or two you relax maybe a little bit.
I think that is that is true in a marital relationship as well.
So for the men reading this. Get some courting going again, like you were first dating. Ask each other those really deep intrinsic and and introspective questions.
According to Simon Baron-Cohen, PhD, author of The Essential Difference: Male and Female Brains and the Truth About Autism, men’s neurological wiring tends to make them better at systems, while women are superiorly rigged for empathy.
The system in this case is the growing daughter parent relationship, focusing on that.
Reason 3: Reminders – Self Fulfilling Prophecy
My wife is awesome, she makes me look like a million times better than I actually am.
My wife will remind me, hey you forgot to mention this, don’t forget that, and is especially helpful with gift giving.
If everyone is fortunate enough to have a wife/partner like mine then she’s in your ear reminding you to do things.
Hey hun, why don’t you pick up a couple gifts for your daughters.
She’s not going to remind you to get something for her.
I wish she would…As a man, I often equate my thought process to be – Me Stupid, tell me what to do.
Text me the list of things that I need to get, and I will follow that list exactly. Pictures are helpful.
The other (and perfectly reasonable side of the argument) would be that we should be remembering to get a gift ourselves.
There is a term called Transactive memory , where essentially two people are together for long enough, they create a shared store of knowledge between the members.
In other words, one member of the couple could store information within their partner and then recall that information by asking their partner about it.
I submit that happens over time with all parts of a marriage, my better half is far better at thinking of gifts, so naturally I leave that task for her.
I’m not saying that’s a good thing, maybe I’m using confirmation bias to look for reasons why I’m a garbage gift giver.
Reason 4: Psychology And Nature – Are Men Destined to Favor Daughters?
From a scientific perspective,studies have shown that a father has a greater influence on his children than a mother when it comes to shaping behavior.
Studies have shown that daughters who have a better relationship with their fathers tend to have many personal advantages such as healthier romantic relationships better behavioral traits boosted self-esteem positive body image good self-reliance and better decision-making abilities.
The father-daughter relationship is strong, and so could it be that dads are preconditioned genetically to have a closer relationship with their daughters because they’re more likely to provide a next of kin?
If their daughters are going to be more successful, they’re inherently driven to pour more effort into the relationship with their daughters because it’s going to give their daughter better partners or a superior lifestyle.
It’s a bit of a reach, to say it’s driven by biology, but the intent is that all a fathers focus could be on the success of their child/daughter. There is only so much attention to go around, left unchecked of course.
Reason 5: Are Daughters Sabotaging Their Parents Marriage?
Couples with daughters are actually more likely to divorce than couples with sons.
Let that sink in.
A 2003 study from the University of California, San Diego, found that couples with a first-born girl, were five percent more likely to divorce than parents of a first born boy.
When there are as many as three daughters, that difference spiked to ten percent.
Warren can tell you, being a dad of three daughters, that he’s terrified of those weeks in teenage years when all three girls are plotting against him.
Females are more predisposed to be empathetic .
It could be that if there are more daughters around and maybe your not the best husband to your wife.
Daughters, being empathetic, can conceivably be more vocal to their moms about their situation.